Love, You keep track of all my sorrows.
You
have collected all my tears in Your Bottle.
You
have recorded each one in Your Book.
Psalms
56:8 NLT
Since this past Sunday, September 2nd,
my family and I have been in a Season of Celebration! You may be asking, “Celebrating what?” Well, let
me tell you how deep it is. We are
Celebrating Life! The fact is: It’s been 30 years since the spirit of death
kicked open our family door through the unexpected transition of our mother. BUT,
for the Grace of GOD, the Truth Is…
WE’RE STILL STANDING!
WE’RE STILL STRONG![1]
Within
this Season of Celebration, I’ve taken the freedom to spend many precious
moments in reflection of Love’s Presence in every, single
season of our lives. Especially those
seasons when fear tricked me to believe Love didn’t even care.[2] NOW I am fully
confident that Love never left me and my family that fateful day. Love never stopped loving although
it felt like it![3] Love has always known
what it was like for each and every one of us to endure that demonically, induced,
devastating blow. And also, Love
knows exactly what He’s patiently worked within each one of us in order to
bring us all back to Life![4]
Therefore,
today in Celebration of Love and Life, I was led to share with you a
revised excerpt of the letter I wrote back in 2003 to a blended family with
three beautiful children after the devil threw them into a sensitive season of
grief.
September 25, 2003
Dear Bobby and Jane,[5]
… Love
impressed upon me to contact you guys.
Why? Because I am a “Grief Conqueror,”
if there is such a thing. [6] Let me
explain…
When I was
13 years old and going into my eighth grade year, my mother died suddenly from
what is now called the “West Nile Virus.”
She got sick on a Sunday with flu like symptoms and on the following
Wednesday she suffered a seizure, went into a coma, and died on Thursday
afternoon. I am the eldest of four
children from that union. My brother was
11; my sister, 8; and my youngest brother had just turned 5 years old. It was the most devastating moment in my
life. At times I try to remember what my
life was like before September 2, 1982; but, it seems like my life started on
that Thursday. The first thirteen years
of my life are less prominent than the latter years.
Now, I am
34 years old, and I’ve lived more without my mother than with her. And yet, every single day I long for her Love,
her hugs, and her quiet spirit to calm the storms in my life.
For years,
I thought my life would be so different if she were still alive. I wouldn’t battle with low self-esteem, low
self-worth, depression and suicidal thoughts.
I wouldn’t have ended up promiscuous, resulting in being pregnant out of
wedlock. I wouldn’t have married so
early. Just recently, God has assured me
I am right. Therefore, I have accepted
the Truth that everything and I mean EVERYTHING I have gone
through, am going through, and will go through is going to work out for my
good.[7] God will not waste one event in my life. Each event–bad or good–will serve a
purpose. Every one of these events has
shaped me to be the person I am today. Collectively, they all will be used to help me
fulfill God’s Divine Purpose for my life, in Life. But it has taken me an l-o-n-g time to get
here!
A year and
half after my mother died, my dad re-married.
At the time, she had not given birth to children of her own. Therefore, overnight she became the mother of
four children–two of which were teenagers.
Needless to say, it was not easy for any of us. And then to top it off, my father highly
encouraged us to call her “Mom.” This
made me feel very uneasy. I guess you could
say I was upset for she wasn’t my mother.
I didn’t even want another mother.
I wanted MY MOM back. Conflicts
existed for years. I felt like it was
“US” against “THEM.” For some time it seemed
like we were orphans. Our mom was gone
and now another woman took our dad. What
were we to do?
To me, it
seemed all we had were each other. At
times, we would sit on the couch and go through family pictures. We never really talked. My father never really gave us the
opportunity to talk and more importantly, never gave us the freedom to cry.
All of my
emotions stayed locked up for years. It
wasn’t until I had been married for four years, a mother of four year old
twins, and sixteen years after the death of my mother that I finally set my
emotions free. Or should I say, my
emotions no longer allowed me to keep them on lock down. When they came out, at times it was more than
I could bear, more than my husband could stand, and much more than my children
should have had to deal with at such a young age.
Additionally,
God and I were not on good speaking terms.
Honestly, I hated what “HE DID” to me.[8] Without a
solid relationship with God, all of my other relationships were dysfunctional,
to say the least. Finally, I had to go
to counseling. I needed professional
help in a bad way. The Christian
counseling I received saved my life!
Could this
have been prevented?
I believe
there were some things that could have taken place to assist me in my healing
process to begin sooner than it did. I
vowed I would tell “My Story” whenever Love led me to. Why?
Because I am hopeful others can learn from my trials, misfortunes, and
avoid some of the unwise choices I made.
I am not a
licensed counselor or a psychiatrist.
However, as stated before, I am a “Grief Conqueror,” and I’ve learned
most times growth through experience is better and more valuable than any book
knowledge.
Firstly,
please allow the children to talk about their mother whenever, however, and for
whatever length of time. This will
release their emotions, freeing them to express themselves, making room for Love
to penetrate their hearts.
Jane,
please don’t be offended, slighted, or intimidated when they speak about their
mother. Ask God to give you His Compassion
to feel the pain they are experiencing.
Receive them with open arms and with an open heart. If the Lord allows, like in my situation,
they may possibly live more of their years with you as their mother figure than
their own biological mother. Seek God’s
face daily, moment by moment if you have to.
This task that is set before you may appear to be like David standing
before Goliath. Always remember, when
you are weak, Love’s Presence in you is strong.[9] Rely only on
Him to give you everything that is necessary in order to meet the needs of each
child–spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
Secondly,
please keep the children in constant contact with their mother’s extended biological
family. One thing I will always be
grateful to my father for is the fact that every summer he took us to Detroit,
Michigan to spend time with my mother’s family.
We stayed in constant contact with them.
To this day, my relationship with my mother’s family is strong…this bond
has kept my mother alive in me all the more.
When I have questions, my grandmother and my aunts fill in the gaps. One of my aunts has been so special to me; it
has been such a blessing!
Bobby,
please make an extra effort to keep the communication lines open with the Evans
Family. At times, it will probably be
very uncomfortable for you and Jane.
However, right now (no offense) how you feel really doesn’t matter when
compared with the emotional welfare of your children.
Thirdly,
always remember that the death of their mother will affect them for the rest of
their lives. Just recently, I was having
difficulty with some issues in my life.
It had been close to two years since I had seen my counselor. So, I made an appointment. It was in that meeting my husband of nine
years finally grasped the fact that my life will always be affected by the
death of my mother. Since my husband has not experienced this type
of loss, he was not as sympathetic as he should have been. Every decision I make as a wife and mother is
shadowed by her death. That day, the
counselor was able to articulate what my emotions were not given the freedom to
say.
Don’t be
shocked if they begin behaving in a way you don’t understand, and they can’t
explain. I used to trash my room in a
fit of rage and not know (logically) why I did it. Though the process may seem long and painful,
be patient and show Love.
Finally, I
speak a Word of Blessing upon you and your family. Love is more than able to help you
each and every day. Love will go before you
and make the crooked places straight and the rough places plain.[10] May Love
fill each of you from the top of your heads to the soles of your feet. May Love’s Presence permeate every
corner of your home.[11]
Trust in The Lord with ALL of your heart and
lean not to your own understanding.
In ALL your ways, acknowledge Him, and
He will direct your paths,
your thoughts, your words, your actions, and your
reactions.
Proverbs 3:5, 6 paraphrase
Prayerfully Victorious,
Julianne Pearson
In conclusion, I am confident in Love
that “My Story” is the hope that someone needs right now. Today, embrace the comfort, wisdom, and
understanding Love has given me.[12]
For this is “My Story,” and Heaven approves this Message!
[1] Adapted from Antwone Fisher, 2002 Motion Picture
[2] 1 John 4:18-19 AMP,
“18 There is no
fear in Love dread does not exist, but full-grown (complete, perfect) Love
turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear
brings with it the thought of punishment, and so he who is afraid has not
reached the full maturity of Love is not yet grown into love’s
complete perfection. 19 We love Him, because He first Loved
us.”
[3] Hebrews 13:5 AMP, “…for He God Himself has said, ‘I will not in any
way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I
will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor
forsake nor let you down (relax My hold on you)! Assuredly not!’.”
[4] John 10:10 AMP, “The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and
destroy. I Christ Jesus came that they may have and enjoy Life,
and have It Life in abundance (to the full, till It Life overflows).”
Ephesians
3:20 AMP, “Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the action of His Power that
is at work within us, is able to carry
out His purpose and do superabundantly, far over and above all that we
dare ask or think infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts,
hopes, or dreams…”
[5]
Please know that all names have been changed to honor the privacy of their
identity.
[6]
Revolutionary Revelation: In Christ, we
don’t just survive. We are more than
conquerors through Christ Who Loved, Loves, and will Forever Love
us (Romans 8:37).
[7] Romans 8:28 AMP, “We are assured and know that God being a partner in their labor all things
work together and are fitting into a plan for good to and for
those who love God and are called according to His design and
purpose.”
[8]
Update: NOW, I know it’s the devil that
comes only to steal, kill, and destroy, NOT Love which came that I
can have Life and experience Life in Love abundantly (John
10:10).
[9] 2 Corinthians 12:9 AMP, “But He said to me, My grace
(My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you sufficient against
any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully; for My
strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and
show themselves most effective in your weakness. Therefore, I will all the
more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and
power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell)
upon me!”
[10] Isaiah 40:3-5 NLT,
“3 Listen! It’s the voice of someone shouting, “Clear the
way through the wilderness for the Lord!
Make a straight highway through the wasteland for our God! 4 Fill in the valleys, and level the mountains and
hills. Straighten the curves, and smooth out the rough places. 5 Then the glory of the Lord
will be revealed, and all people will see it together. The Lord has spoken!”
[11] Ephesians 3:17 AMP, “May Christ through your faith actually dwell
(settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted
deep in love and founded securely on Love,”
[12] 2 Corinthians 1:4 AMP, “Who comforts (consoles and encourages) us in every
trouble (calamity and affliction), so that we may also be able to comfort
(console and encourage) those who are in any kind of trouble or
distress, with the comfort (consolation and encouragement) with which we
ourselves are comforted (consoled and encouraged) by God Love.
__________________________________________________________________
Julianne
Pearson is an Author, Relationship Strategist, Speaker and Trainer. She is the Co-Founder of the LĪVE! movement, a speaking, training and coaching organization committed
to developing extraordinary people, families, and businesses. Through her
books, seminars and training workshop sessions, she empowers her readers and
listeners to rise up to their first level of consciousness in order to advance
the Kingdom of God on this earth.
Enjoy
more of the MOVEMENT!
Julianne
Pearson is an Author, Relationship Strategist, Speaker and Trainer. She is the Co-Founder of the LĪVE! movement, a speaking, training and coaching organization committed
to developing extraordinary people, families, and businesses. Through her
books, seminars and training workshop sessions, she empowers her readers and
listeners to rise up to their first level of consciousness in order to advance
the Kingdom of God on this earth.
